I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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