we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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