May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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