he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
