Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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