It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
