if you like me you must not know who I am
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
