Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
