What did we do last night that was yellow?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
