I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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