Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Be still, my beating vagina.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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