**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
