i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
