uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
