oh god the rape fog is back!
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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