I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
