I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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