my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i came on her dog
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
