I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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