I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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