So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
