Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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