I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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