WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
