Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
