I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
