she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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