It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just invented taco cereal.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Randomize
