I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
