operation have a gay friend backfired
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
