Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
