This girl is more easily done than said...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
