she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Randomize
