Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
