she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
