Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
