i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
