I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
