someone threw a dead crab at me
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I need to align my fucking chakras
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