whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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