i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Randomize
