You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
