arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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