Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
