Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
