a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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