I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
well you can't waste a boner
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
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