He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
