made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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