Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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