this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
