i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
