I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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