I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
