She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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