I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
