I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Ketchup is God's man juice
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
