Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I got inside last night via doggy door
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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