did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
