I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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