If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
