Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
