I saw his package. It spoke to me.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
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