a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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